Jason's Pond: Season 2
by Aries Vincere
Summary: Oh noes! It's back. This time, it's personal. With German hookers, nuns, emo kids, how could you miss this? xD [JasonxDr. Pepper][RavenxBB][RavenxBatman][RobinxCy][StarfirexEveryone]
1. Fool Some in Folsom

Well, well, well…back for more, eh? I guess one dip in the pond wasn't good enough for you, so I guess I have to start Season 2 for you childrens. Well, I'm a senior, almost 18, so anything can happen this time around! I promise, Jason's Pond is still in full-swing (probably even over-flowing), so let's start the show!

**Disclaimer-so-I-don't-get-my-ass-sued**: The people (besides the Titans) do exist and I do know them personally. I have their permission to use their names. The situations in this story have actually happened (most anyway).

**Jason's Pond: Season 2**

Fool Some in Folsom

(start theme song "Californication" by the Chili Peppers)

(shot of the whole cast looking dramatic with wavy hair)

(shot of the multiple "fan techs" aiming portable fans at cast)

_I feel like I've lived a life of craziness for so long. I believe my last year in high school should be totally-_

"So I see the therapy didn't help?" my friend Katie said, smacking me in the face. "Ow, my face!" I screamed, rubbing it. "Gosh, you're so mean, Katie!"

"It's my job," she said simply, shrugging. Just then, Scott and Mike walked up. "What's up guys? First week of school was awesome!" Scott said a big smile on his face.

"Yeah, it was alright. Especially when Guarienti saw me again…"

-FLASHBACK-

"Hi guys, my name is Mrs. Guarienti and-" my Chemistry teacher started to say, when I walked into the classroom. "Hey Mrs. G, I'm in your class again! Isn't it great?" I said, cackling evilly.

The woman began to sob and bang her head against the desk. "Why God? Why me!" she screamed. The other kids looked at her, and then to me. "Don't worry, she was like this at the end of the year last year," I said, reassuring the rest of the class…

-END FLASHBACK-

"What a cruel twist of fate," Mike said in a Shakespearean tone of voice. I looked at him in disbelief, shaking my head. "I know you're sad about leaving Gibson's class, but we have to move on."

Minutes later, Beast Boy and Raven walked up, making out like usual. "When you guys get VD, I have a great "I'm-sorry-you-got-VD" greeting card for you two," I said, warning them. The two just shrugged and broke up their kiss. "Dude, look what I got!" Beast Boy said, pulling out an iPod. "I finally got my own!"

"Whoopdie-doo," I said, rolling my eyes. "So, how'd you get it?"

-FLASHBACK-

"Vit mein ass harder, Beastie Boy!" the German prostitute screamed, waving a paddle covered in tofu…

-END FLASHBACK-

"Uh, you know, I'd rather not talk about it," Beast Boy said, shuffling his feet and looking down. Just then, we heard moaning and crying. To our dismay, Cyborg and Robin walked up, dressed in gray, wearing Pink Converse. Their skin was painted ghost-white and their lips were painted black, along with the sags under their eyes.

"Oh…my…God," I laughed, unable to control myself. The two emo children were crying and hugging each other. "I'm like, so depressed!" Cyborg sobbed, moaning. "Yeah, my Happy Meal didn't have a toy in it!" Robin screamed, cutting himself with a disposable razor.

"It's so sad," Raven said, adding, "even for me." The two idiots sat there carving happy faces in their skin and I had had enough. I grabbed the razors from their hands and threw them into the nearest bush. "I am really getting pissed at your little ego changes," I said, slapping them both. "Get up and go wash your arms!" They ran away crying like little bitches.

A few moments later, when the coast was clear, we ripped off our clothes to reveal…clothing, that was black. We magically got umbrellas and started waving them in the air synchronized, singing "Helena" by My Chemical Romance.

"So long and good nighttt…"

_Sad, isn't it? More coming soon. xD_


	2. A Dr Pepper A Day Keeps the Coke Away

I know, I know, you want me to be working on Let the Fire Fall or another one of my angsty stories… unfortunately, this is not your lucky day…or is it? Jason's Pond is now updated, so get ready for more knee-slappin' funniness than you can handle (that's why we have doggie-bags xD).

To faithful JP fans, thanks for your support and sorry for the quad-monthly lapse. Won't happen again.

**Jason's Pond: Season 2**

A Dr. Pepper a Day Keeps the Coke Away

_("Teenage Wasteland" plays in the background)_

Katie, Scott, Mike, Alex, Beast Boy and Raven, Jason's best friends, were once again sitting in their usual amphitheater spot, talking about the usual teenage problems that, well, weren't really problems to begin with.

"…So then she said that I was a failure at life, and told me that my manhood was laughable!" Beast Boy said to Scott, crying. Raven laughed. "Yeah, I sure did."

Alex was gushing about the newest German techno song he had found. "It's the best one yet!" he said happily, dancing like a disgruntled nun. "You said that about Numa Numa." Mike responded, bored. "That wasn't German, smart one! It was totally different…d'uh!" Alex said, shaking his head.

Just then, a bottle of Dr. Pepper fell from the sky and landed on Mike. His skin started to sizzle and he screamed quite loudly. "It burnssss! Help me, beautiful Coca Cola!" Too bad Coke sucks, haha…

Anywho…

Scott took the bottle and opened it, drinking it quickly. "I wonder where this came from?"

His question was pretty much answered when Jason came walking to the amphitheater, dragging his broken legs and laughing. "I'm baaack!"

"Uh, Jason, how are you walking on broken legs?" Katie asked, scared.

"Oh, yeah, funny story about that."

"…"

"…"

"…well, aren't you going to tell it?"

"Um, no, not really," he said, sitting down. Katie started to cry and asked an invisible friend she calls "Jesus" to kill Jason. Strange girl, huh?

"So, Jason, where have you been? You missed like an entire semester," Scott said, playing World of Warcraft on his computer that was hooked up to orange extension cords that were 17,518 feet long.

"Yeah, Raven and I went looking for you. We even called the police," Beast Boy said, sitting next to me.

"LAWL," I commented smartly. "I was doing business."

"What kind of business?"

-LOVE MY FLASHBACKS!-

"Alright, so, if you let me extend the show another seven seasons, I promise to give you all the babies you can eat," Jason said nervously to the masked figure.

"Mmm, alright, kid, you have a deal," the figure said, and shooed him out the door.

Oprah Winfrey pulled her mask off and cackled evilly. Oprah always wins in the end…

-FLASHBACK OOOVER!-

"Who the hell was that?" Raven said, looking around. "It's probably that foreign exchange student who keeps following me around!"

Just then, a boy completely dressed in drag came over, sitting down next to the friends. "Hullo, mein name is Justin Humpenthrust. Vill you be mein friend, Ravey-en?" Beast Boy busted up laughing. "Aww, of course she will, Humpen…thrust…" and laughed even harder.

"Oh, vunderbar! Mein last friend ran away. She, uh, how you say, coo-mitted ze suicide?"

"Damn, this is more awkward then the time I came to school high as a kite," Jason noted.

-FLASHBACK SPONSORED BY SHADEYMIKE-

Mr. Richards saw Jason walking through the hall, laughing his ass off. "Hey, yeah you, do you have a hall pass?"

"Yeah, I gots one right here," he laughed, taking out a piece of gum. "Heres you go."

"This isn't a hall pass."

"Yeah, it is, Mr. Lincoln. Sayyy, you look like one fugleh bitch I met on the express train last Sunderday," Jason giggled, dancing around in circles.

"Son, I'm thinking you're on marijuana. I'm going to get the campus police."

"And I'm thinking you tooks your fugleh pills this morning, too," Jason giggled, coughing.

"You're so hurtful!" Mr. Richards sobbed, running away.

Jason continued to giggle like the idiot he was, high or not.

-ADIOS FLASHBACK!-

Sure enough, the little reunion was ruined when Cyborg and Robin came walking up, this time decked out in G-Unit clothing and fake ice around their necks.

"Yo, my female dog- I mean, bitches! I'm da…uh…what I am Cyborg?" Robin whispered to Cyborg.

"Robinator, yo," Cyborg whispered.

"Right. I'm da Robinator!"

The rest of them looked at each other, then laughed uncontrollably.

"Well, at least it's funnier than the emo scene!" Mike laughed.

"Show 'em, Robinator!" Cyborg yelled, pulling out a pink mini radio labeled "My First Pretty Pink MC Radio, Yo". He turned it on and "I'm a Little Pony" came on.

"Aww, shit, wrong side," he said, turning over the tape. A God-awful beat came belting out like Rosie O' Donnell eating a cat.

"My name is Robin

My apples are for bobbin'

My rhymes are hot

Like a parking lot!

I'll waste all you suckers

Then go get a burger at my local Fuddruckers!

Holl-"

Jason grabbed the radio from Cyborg and smashed it against the cement into a million pieces. Robin and Cyborg screamed and ran away sobbing.

"Geez, Jason, this is stupider than when you invited Matt Damon over a slumber party!" commented Beast Boy…

-FLASHBACK MOST LIKELY SPONSORED BY BLAZE-FIRESTORM-

"Like, oh em gee, your nails look great!" Mike squealed, admiring Beast Boy's newly-painted nails.

"Like, OK, guys, let's play truth or dare!" Jason giggled, and the other boys squealed in delight.

"Like, truth or dare Mattiepoo?"

"Matt Damon!"

"Umm, kayyy… who's your celebrity crush?"

"Matt Damon!"

The boys began to giggle and squeal again…

-OH…MY…LORD-

Jason shook his head. "Yeah, that's a wrap."

"Raven and Starfire forever!" yelled some pervert sitting behind us, then got up and ran off.

_Wow…yeah, just comment. xD_


End file.
